How to talk to your family about your end-of-life wishes

Making your end-of-life wishes known, and putting plans in place like a pre-paid funeral package, is a generous and kind thing to do for the loved ones who someday will settle your final affairs. Yet speaking to family members about your wishes can feel awkward or upsetting, so many put off that conversation. The earlier you discuss these important matters, however, the more prepared all parties will be.
Speaking to family members about your wishes ahead of time alleviates several potential issues:
- It prevents them from guessing later.
- It provides clarity and a roadmap for a time they will be under stress.
- It avoids family disagreements.
- It lessens the financial burden.
- It provides peace of mind for you now.
- It sets a positive example for the future.
Memorial preferences are one of the five key parts of end-of-life planning. Along with your preferences on power of attorney, a living will, palliative care and medical directives like a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) order, your wishes on disposition, a memorial service and final resting place are important to record and communicate.
So, how to begin? Sometimes these conversations arise naturally, after an illness or injury reminds us we are all mortal. Or you and your family might be thinking of your own memorial preferences after attending someone’s funeral. This can provide a natural start to a conversation.
Be sure that the moment you choose is a calm one, with space to talk. End-of-life plans should not be discussed during a tense moment or while juggling three other priorities. Set aside a time to speak one-on-one, or as a small group with those who will be involved. Taking a gentle approach and framing the topic as an act of service on their behalf will help put your loved ones at ease.
Two major points to cover first include method of disposition and what type of service should be held. Burial, cremation or direct cremation all differ in cost as well as timing. Do you want your ashes scattered someplace special to you, or do you prefer burial at a certain cemetery? Is there a religious ceremony you’d like to take place? After you’ve had the discussion, be sure to record it in written form and keep that document with your other important papers.
Remember that you don’t need to have a long checklist and go through every topic at once. It can be a gradual discussion, one step at a time. Letting your family know you have purchased a prepaid plan, and where that paperwork is filed, can be a good way to open the door to the other end-of-life topics.
Your forethought will also set an example for the generations to come. The tasks and customs having to do with death are part of the cultural, religious and family traditions that you help shape. People who recall their grandparents or parents starting a discussion about end-of-life preferences are more likely to start that conversation someday with their own children or grandchildren.
If you have questions on how to navigate this topic, you can always speak with one of our pre-planning specialists.











