The basics of writing and delivering a eulogy

Writing a eulogy can seem like a daunting task, especially for people who don’t consider themselves great writers or public speakers. Boiled down, the basic ingredients of a eulogy are reflection, admiration and organization.
First, reflect: take time to think about what your loved one meant to you, what you admire about their character and what defined them as a person. Write down thoughts you want to express. Then organize those thoughts into something you can say in front of people.
A eulogy is a very personal tribute, spoken while everyone is in a state of grief. Expressing your honest thoughts and emotions is far more important than creating a polished, professional speech. So, leave the AI chatbots or virtual assistants turned off and focus on what’s in your heart.
The value of remembering
There are many things to handle after a loved one dies. Rather than seeing a eulogy as another item on a long list, try to appreciate that this honor gives you permission to take a breath, slow down and sit with memories.
You might be overwhelmed with too many thoughts, so it helps to sort through memories by focusing on:
- Something unexpected or surprising they once did
- A time they showed great strength or resolve
- How something they did helped you
- What family or friendship meant to them
Now is the time to sit down and make a list of memories that can help tell your loved one’s story. We are all complex beings, and a eulogy need not be sugar-coated and only mention the bright spots. Stay honest as you explore your memories and write down thoughts.
Write what feels natural for you
The easiest things to talk about will be what you have experienced yourself. So, avoid generalities and think about your relationship with your loved one, how they had an impact on you. For example, if they served in the military years before you were born, that’s not in your sphere of familiarity — but it would feel natural to share your experiences hearing your loved one’s stories about their service overseas and how that inspired you.
A eulogy is not a final exam, so don’t use stilted, academic language. Be yourself. You can speak casually, knowing you are among friends and family. Sometimes a moment of humor can be appropriate, and a shared laugh can help break the tension. If you aren’t sure whether a light-hearted remark you’ve written down will strike the right chord or fall flat, run it by a family member or close friend beforehand.
Use structure as a guide
Avoid the temptation to list everything you admire about your loved one and recite a long list of their accomplishments. In shaping your final draft, keep in mind that 1,000 words will take the average person around seven or eight minutes to say.
Don’t rely on your phone; create a paper copy with a large, readable font. Whether you prefer a simple list of shorthand notes or a few typed pages you intend to recite word for word, paper won’t glitch — and it shows others you put time and thought into preparation. That paper itself might also become something you wish to keep in a memory box.
Many eulogies draw upon a familiar structure, in this order:
- State who your loved one was to you
- Share some memories or stories about them
- Say what they meant to you, and others present
- List what you learned from them and are grateful for
- Offer a farewell message
Deliver it at your own pace
Everyone understands that you will show emotions, so take a moment whenever you feel overwhelmed. Keep a glass of water near you. If you are worried you’ll read everything too fast (a common effect of being nervous or emotional), mark places on your paper to take pauses. Practice the eulogy a few times before the service.
Many people will not be familiar with the memories you share, and they will appreciate the new glimpses into your loved one’s life. Those who already know your stories will feel a connection with you and others present as they listen to you tell it from your perspective. A beautiful eulogy, like all human traditions, helps bring us all together.









